Failure, that dirty little word we often fear. It rears its ugly face each time you eat something you shouldn’t, or don’t do something you should, when you don’t hold yourself accountable for things you’ve committed to, and for so many other things. In the end though, it’s not failure’s fault, after all it’s just a word, and the only reason it has such power over us is because we constantly feed and encourage it. Which is exactly what happened today when I ate everything I shouldn’t have, more than I should have, and worked out less than I could have…and then my brain took a break and my body decided to step on a scale.
As you can imagine the numbers blinked back one huge fail! So as much as I write about not beating yourself up over bad days, I must confess that today I was guilty of not heeding my own advice. Instead I decided to be like Batman and brood in the solitude of my Batcave, except that mine was just my room, lit buy a lonely desk lamp and the glare of my computer screen, so I shut the blinds to make it a bit more dramatic, and had I had a mask and cape lying around I probably would have worn them. Granted, that’s not very grown-up of me, but for today that whole grown-up thing is out the window. Were I not in a state of super gloom and laziness I might just reach over and use one of my bed sheets for a cape, but even that requires more super powers than I can muster right now.
It’s been a long day today, and now that everyone has gone to bed and the whole house is quiet I am reminded of the solace of my old mountain. It’s been almost two years now, since I’ve made the trip back home to civilization, to my family and old friends, and yet I’m still adjusting. This transition period seems to be taking longer than I expected, and has also turned out to be rather challenging. At times it feels like a second wave of adolescence, but thankfully without the acne. Could it be that the time has come for me to finally grow-up? The idea, albeit preposterous, seems to haunt me of late. I suspect it’s in cahoots with Adulthood, who years ago just showed up at my doorstep unannounced and like an unwanted houseguest simply never left. If only Love of Fitness would shack up with Adulthood then we’d all be one fit and happy cookie fiend, instead of a capeless super gloomy one.
In hindsight, everything was so much simpler on the mountain. Work had me out of bed bright and early, and kept me busy all day long. Then between supper, play time with the twin puppies, exploring and finding the right tree branch to hang my cell phone in hopes of getting a strong enough signal for a call or to surf the net, before I knew it, it was bedtime and there was no time for this business of grown-up failure. But now things are different, I’m back in the concrete jungle, and there’s an app for just about everything, which makes things go rather quickly leaving more time for such idle thoughts of adulthood. Thinking of my time on the mountain I realize that now that I’m back I really have no excuse for falling behind on email replies and so I open my email and multitask.
As I sort through my virtual mailbox, I find myself gazing in awe at the sweetest pictures of my friend’s newborn in the cutest onesies ever! Next I decipher my godchild’s 140 character email, sometimes I wonder if I should tell her that email allows you more words than Twitter, but then I stop myself because as much as I love her, there’s a limit to how much Bieber and One Direction talk I can stomach. Then I scroll down the list and find a few follows and likes to my blog, which by the way I’m not going to lie, they go straight to my head 😉 As I type these last few words it hits me, the problem I’ve been battling with today has nothing to do with adulthood, or failure, but everything to do with perception!
Duh, perception! It’s been staring at me all along, and I’ve totally overlooked it. The truth is that when I think of the people and things I love I automatically switch over to happy mode. From the moment I read their name and before I even read the subject line or open the email, I’m already smiling. This is not the case when I think of working out, or eating healthier, or giving up unhealthy habits, because I perceive them as losing something I like, and because each time I don’t meet my own expectations I view it as an epic fail. So I constantly empower failure by perceiving it as a big bad villain set out to defeat me…but no more! From now on I’ve decided to change a few things:
- Bad days will no longer be perceived as failures, instead they will be opportunities to do much better on each day that follows
- Bad days will henceforth be known as off days
- I will discontinue the use of the words Bad and Fail
- I will no longer weigh my progress by stepping on a scale, instead I will measure it by how much looser my clothes fit
- I will practice what I preach, and not beat myself up over off days, because see #1